Salutations, for Christmas


Last Updated on Wednesday, 19 December 2012 21:52

The Elder original script 

Merry Christmas to you, one and all, from the Elder movie.

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum and last year's Dick Advocaat sitting forlorn and norovirus at the back of the cupboard.

Here in December 2012, the Elder movie project is just over a year old. In this year we have gathered together a fantastic team of UK independent filmmakers (PLUS supplementary expertise from all four corners of the globe), written, shot, edited and launched our trailer (28,000 views and counting) and almost finished an original feature-length screenplay. I am about three-quarters of the way through this, its fourth draft. Yes, FOURTH DRAFT. My god, it's boring. SO BORING. I AM SO BORED. I HATE IT.

So it's going well.

This is the nature of the beast. It is a human nature. It's nature is 150-odd pages, which must be boiled down to 120-odd pages MAX HEADROOM. And sixty-six.

Lets all RAISE OUR GLASSES to how far we've come in a single year. From nothing to something - something real, tangible, something that's really going to happen. Maybe this time next year we'll have shot the film? What a strange thought! But an exciting one.

As usual, I have been contacted by various fascinating, interesting and frankly mad people over the last few weeks, all with tales to tell and/or expertise and/or enthusiasm and/or cease and desist letters to bring to the table. One of these communiques was from Mr Brian Brewer from Chicago, Illinois, which is in America, or so they say.

In 2000 Brian attended a KISS auction, and, wise and perceptive man that he is, made a unique and somewhat exhilarating purchase. It is the only known example of this legendary item, knowledge of whose very existence caused me to gasp out loud. Brian bought a copy of the original, complete, feature-length Elder movie script! Who knew there even was such a thing?! Not me!

- What's it like? (130 pages!)

- Boring, said Brian.

- Boring? Boring how?

Descriptions Brian then threw in my direction included 'formulaic', 'typical early 80s' and 'B-movie'. The kind of words we might have been expecting. In fact he used the word 'formulaic' twice. That's how formulaic we're talking.

But it exists! A script got wrote!

And Brian is not going to sell it to you, you'll be pleased to hear. It's the cornerstone of his KISS Kollection, along with a handsome framed original Paul Stanley art piece entitled 'Purple Haze'.

Just for fun, how much do you reckon such a unique, one-off item might be worth? I know (because I asked) what Brian paid for it, and how much Bruce Kulick thinks it's worth (because Brian asked Bruce and Bruce told Brian and Brian told me, because I asked), and how much I think it's worth (in turnips), but how much do YOU think? Any suggestions above $100,000 please make immediate contact with Brian Brewer of Chicago, Illinois. And your psychiatrist.

Merry Christmas. We'll see you next year.

And the year after that.