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Written by Seb Hunter

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Written by Seb Hunter


I had an idea. The idea is merch.

We sell merch, from a MOVIE STORE section of this website. All profits go to fund the movie. Brilliant.

But what merch should we sell? Obviously it can't have a KISS logo on it, or any KISS artwork, or any other copyright infringement. I put this question to Twitter (excluding the obvious t-shirts, mugs and beanies) and here are the suggestions I got back:

Door knockers

Oak tables


(I swear, these were the first three suggestions. Am I being followed by a furniture warehouse bot?)

Purple headbands


CDs of KISS cover versions

Rings in the shape of door knockers

ELDER-flower cordial, "done up nice"

Action figures

Kiss Demon Costume with bat wing cape and platform boots

Trucker caps

Cock rings in the shape of the Elder door knocker

I also canvassed Facebook, receiving the following suggestions:

Posters of the LP cover

Pinball machines

Lunch boxes

Door knockers (again)

Car stickers

Face paint

A gatefold with Facebook friends name on it and helpers that look like the LP but smaller

Refrigerated coffins


Sew-on patches

Condoms (again)


Well, some good suggestions, some copyright infringement, and a soupçon of hallucinogenic drugs.

At the moment I'm thinking, definitely:


Current ideas for slogans:

"30 Years Later, The Odyssey Begins"

"(T-shirt from) The Elder"

"I'm paying for the Elder movie. Literally."

Movie poster tee


Trucker hats

Baseball hats ?


Current ideas for slogans:

"This beverage is helping to pay for a movie of KISS's 1981 concept album (Music from) The Elder."


Purple headbands (total genius idea - thanks to Rod Steele)

ELDER-flower cordial

Car stickers / bumper stickers

We welcome all merchandising suggestions. Please feel free to suggest.

OK, that's enough merch.

In other news, Owen and I finally had a meeting with Barclays Bank to set up an Elder Movie Productions Ltd company bank account. Amazingly, the charming, businesslike, 17 year-old business manager of businesses at Barclays Bank, Winchester, knew who KISS were. And Gene Simmons. And Mark St John. OK not Mark St John. All being well, which is unlikely, we'll have our bank account up and running soon.

I'm still writing the screenplay.

The screenplay continues to KICK ASS.

Coming up in the next blog post: interesting facts about machine guns.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Written by Seb Hunter


My good friend and our script advisor, or consultant, or something like that, Simon B. Nicholson came around the other night, and we discussed my screenplay. He read the 30 pages so far, and then dropped it in awe-struck wonder, tears of humiliated inferiority streaming down his staggered face. (Simon do not write your actual comments in the comment section at the end of this blog, please.) As an experienced filmmaker himself, he also gave me some very useful advice - a scriptwriting maxim, if you like. It goes like this:

After 25 pages (or thereabouts) you need to have an OH SHIT!! moment. One's characters then attempt to surmount this OH SHIT!! moment until, on page 75, there appears an OH FUCK!! moment, whose yet-more-perilous peril must then be overcome - indeed resolved - by the 100th-odd page. And then you can sit back and get your valet to sort your limo for the Oscars. No that's wrong, of course, I'm full of crap. It's Cannes first. 

Fortunately my own script already follows this maxim to an almost spooky degree. Thus I was able to completely ignore Simon and usher him hurriedly out into the rain. 

In possibly more exciting news, we are proud to be able to announce another top-drawer co-star in the bag, ladies and gentlemen. Please raise your glasses (not one of their best, let's face it), to CHRISTOPHER SCIUEREF, who will play the role of FATHER DEDALUS in the movie. (We now have three sadistic priests roaming the post-apocalyptic countryside, benevolent yet ultra-violent Blackwell evangelists Father Cerberus, Father Dedalus and Father Morpheus. One, however, is a double agent - can you guess which?)

Welcome, Chris! Here is some more on Chris, including his showreel, if you're interested:
Actually would you like to see Owen and Dave's showreels too? It doesn't seem fair to put up Chris's but not the other two holy fathers' now, does it? 

What else? 

I have a meeting at Mentorn Media in Hammersmith tomorrow to see where we're up to with the documentary. After that I have a meeting with a film & TV agent. I'll tell you how these two meetings went in the next installment. 

I think we have a feature coming up in the Guardian Guide right after Christmas, which is very exciting. I'll link to it as and when. 

Nothing from KISS yet, of course, but we've talked about this before. 

Hi Gene.

Written by Seb Hunter


Still no word from KISS. I'm 99% certain they know about us by now, but they've yet to make a move – they’re holding their cards close to their chest. Which is quite sensible, really. There's a long way to go with this project, they can afford to sit and wait and watch what happens. If it fades and withers and eventually comes to nothing, then fine, they needn't have troubled with it. But if we build and grow and thrive and survive, they'll be forced off the fence and into action. By then, hopefully, we will be in a position to go and present the project to them in person, with the documentary guys in tow, and, perhaps most importantly, with a finished screenplay in hand. That will surely be the deal-maker or breaker. If we have a good script, we have movie currency; it's as simple as that. It we don't, we have nothing, just a concept, an idea, a folly, and KISS will be right to kick our asses out of their house. We wouldn't deserve to be there in the first place unless we could say HERE, read THIS, isn't it GREAT?!? Only that can generate the traction we'll require to potentially bring the KISS brand to this project.

But the screenplay progresses, ladies and gentlemen. We are 20 pages down. That's 20 minutes of screen time. The rule of thumb being that one page of script should equate to one minute on screen. The setting, the tone, the atmosphere, the dialogue, the menace, all of these things are currently WORKING. They could of course break down at any time, but for the time being, this creative machine is WELL OILED and FUNCTIONAL. Our heads are down, and we are working, working. Busy making this happen.

I had an idea last night. I'm going to get hold of a cheap camcorder and shoot a demo version of this movie, kind of like what bands do before they go into the studio to record albums. I'm going to make a shot-by-shot demo, and edit it together myself, just for the raw hands-on experience. (I won't be editing the final movie myself, by the way, we'll have professional dudes to do this, though I will be present.) This feels to me like a good idea for all sorts of reasons.

In other news, I have a meeting at Mentorn next Wednesday, the documentary makers. Because all things TV move so slowly, the plan is to discuss how to kick start that side of things, push it along a little. They are in no big hurry, however, as their plan is to make a documentary that follows me making the movie, which we've obviously not started to do yet. A documentary of us starting a website, blogging and then starting to write a screenplay is not going to make particularly thrilling television, so there is plenty of time yet for them to get in on this here act. I should be in a position to tell you more about this next week.

As for site traffic, Colin tells me that over the last couple of weeks we've been getting hits of about 1000 unique visitors per day, which is amazing, but that since then it has dropped somewhat. I'm relieved about the drop-off, it feels appropriate. After the initial novelty of this project blazed around the web, it's only natural that things should then ease off a bit. It takes time to make a film, and we can't guarantee Elder movie site thrills and spills on a daily basis. This gives us all room to breathe, to relax, to get on with writing the film.

We also have some potentially very exciting new contributors to the movie project. We're in discussions over a few things, but hope to be able to make a few announcements soon. "Announcements" - get me.

More press stuff coming up soon also, both in the UK and abroad. I'll link it when I get it.

Keep the faith, dudes. We're on the straight and narrow.

Written by Seb Hunter


Five pages into the screenplay. Fighting the urge to put it up here. Sticking works in progress onto public forums never a good idea, I know, but I'm excited! It's going well!

Man, writing a screenplay is NOTHING like writing a book. Drug analogy. Writing a book is like very slowly sipping down a couple of bottles of vintage claret over a period of two or three years. Writing a screenplay is like taking a massive sudden hit of LSD. Everything is 3D immediate. You are writing the definitive instruction manual for this whole new world. NO FAT. NO STYLE. NO FLOWERY WRITERLINESS. Just action. Kinetic description. Flow. Width. I'm absolutely loving it. A whole new kind of freedom. Except it's not freedom. Because, as my YES GO ON, TRY TO MAKE A FILM THEN, YOU TALENTLESS MORON book tells me, and tells me again and again and again, is that you've got to pare it down. And then pare it down more. And then remove all adjectives. And then halve that, give it to your worst enemy and make him cut bits out randomly with scissors and then urinate on what's left. Only then may you begin to CONSIDER Scene Two. So this über-macho, Bear Grylls-style approach to writing a screenplay is already fun.

And then there's the format fascism. A screenplay has to look a certain way. Even though we are making this film ourselves, everybody (Owen & Dave) INSISTS I must adhere to the time-honoured dogma of The Way Scripts Look.

This means the script must be written in the Courier New font.

Thus one must proceed like this:


A small BOY is urinating. We HEAR a tinkling sound. Then a nearby adult COUGHING sound. The BOY looks frightened.


           Who's that?

              THE BOY

           I just woke up and I'm having a wee, daddy.


           But it's the middle of the bloody night.

              THE BOY

           I just needed a wee, daddy.


           Why didn't you go before you went to bed? WHY?

           Have you finished yet? Why the hell not?

We HEAR sobbing.

                                       CUT TO:


Having gone back to bed, DADDY now realises he needs a wee too. He is ANGRY with THE BOY for rearranging the WORLD suddenly in random CAPITALS. DADDY now hears a new SOUND. He is by now extremely IRRITATED.

               THE GIRL



             I think we've all got the MESSAGE by now.

             Go back to SLEEP.

The GIRL refuses. Etc. Everybody is very tired the next MORNING, over BREAKFAST.

20 GOTO 10


In case you are actually interested, I'm using celtx for the iPad.

And you've got to love courier new. It's just so believable!

Owen, Dave and I then had an email argument about how we were going to interpret the Order of the Rose, or roses generally, and then after that another email argument about whether or not to have a female love interest, and then finally a positive discussion regarding the fundamental coolness of shots of horses galloping through deserted cityscapes.

We did not however discuss the cost of such shots.

We are going to have an island, however, to escape from.

This will be the Isle of Wight.

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